My youngest son got married last month and his wife took our family name as her own. All three of our daughters-in-law have chosen to change their names.
That certainly isn’t a given and I would have been totally fine with it had they chosen to keep their maiden names. I get that and I understand it, but my old-fashioned self wanted them to have the same last name as their husbands, for them to take that familial leap of faith.
I’ve never stopped identifying myself as a Crosby even though I’ve been a Kowalski twice as long as I was a Crosby. When I graduated from college and they announced my name as I crossed the stage I was sad for my parents that the Crosby name wasn’t announced or on my diploma. That day I found myself wishing I had changed my middle name from Mary to Crosby when I legally changed my last name, thus retaining on paper, in addition to in heart, that early sense of self.
When I had married several years earlier, at 18, I was totally delighted that by taking the Kowalski name my new husband and I had the exact same initials….JMK. I envisioned many sets of monogramed bath towels in my future. Changing my middle name to Crosby would have negated that.
A few years ago I made family name signs as Christmas presents. In addition to the name they include the words “beyond this place there be dragons.” Those words used to appear on ancient maps for areas beyond what had been explored, a warning about the unknown parts of the ocean that might hold danger.
I chose to include it on my signs to point out to the people who share the name all is safe without our “walls” but outside them, there might be danger. It’s also a reminder that although a family member might find adversity out there in the world, they will always be welcomed back, with love, into our safety.
And for the record, Jim and I have shared those initials now for almost 40 years and I’ve never owned a set of monogramed towels.
And that last young lady who changed her name when she married our son? She went from Smith to Kowalski, which is the equivalent of Smith in Poland so she really didn’t change it at all. 🙂
pauses&clicks 
I LOVE it. I have one of those crazy stories about my name, starting with the fact that for the whole of my childhood, I had an “illegal” name (step father never adopted me but they called me by his name anyway). Brought me a lot of FBI attention when I was the equivalent of a Civil Right worker in the deep South in the Sixties. You had to know me then to get how absurd it was, surrealistic really, to have the FBI checking me out in connection to Bobby Seale and Huey Newton (I’m sure you are too young to remember them). I was only 19 years old and had been a GIRL SCOUT, for goodness sake, right up until I left for VISTA!
Great sharing Pauses!
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What a great story Kathie! Our phone call is getting closer…I can feel it! I have an interlude between now and when we get in the house so some morning or afternoon we’ll have to figure out when both of us have enough time to discover just exactly who lies behind these blogs of ours!
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I did change my middle name to my maiden name (Rutledge) when I got married, but sometimes I do miss that name and all of the family ties that come with it. My parents are both deceased, my brother has two daughters, and I only have one paternal aunt alive, so our Rutledge family name will soon end. We did give the name to our first born (as his middle name) and I hope that he will pass along the tradition (if and when he gets married!). Thanks for sharing!
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❤
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I love that you carved out some time to post! I have always admired your sign and the sentiments behind it. I hope to have one made for my home soon!
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What an interesting and touching post! I think the changing of names may cause more thought sometimes for wives than husbands, especially if there are no males to move it forward to the next generation. I was married and changed my name to my husband’s. Then when we got divorced I found I didn’t know who I was – the girl before I was married aka maiden name, or the girl who wasn’t married anymore aka husband’s name. I made peace with the fact that my first names were still the same and these will never ever change. Thanks for sharing and blessings upon you and your family for 2017. Love and hugs from Gale Elizabeth (Manning-Weithers) 🙂
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Thanks for stopping by and reading Gale, and for commenting! I usually respond sooner to comments but I was in the middle of a move from Virginia to Louisiana…..everything about my life is suddenly very different but I suppose I have the solace of bringing my name with me! 🙂
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